Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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