Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
