he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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