I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you win again, gameday.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
