Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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