This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
