dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
