He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
