I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
