took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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