matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
