So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
