I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
