How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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