Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
