the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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