fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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