I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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