I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
