I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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