May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
