you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
