Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
