So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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