I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
