I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
