It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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