I wannas sexs uuuuu
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
