Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
