my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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