im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
