hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
