i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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