yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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