question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
