I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His hands were made for my vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
