there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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