no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
