Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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