Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
