Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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