We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
