Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
