You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
