bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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