As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
