He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
