and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
