I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
