I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
