I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
last night I used snow as a chaser
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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