I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
