Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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