Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
