weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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