He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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