is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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