Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize