u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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