you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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