my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my being single is dangerous.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
