I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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