if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
